Out of reach

, "It just sucks dude cause there is nothing I can do about it." Carson spits over the ledge of the deck in frustration and takes another swig of the Malibu rum. "If she didn't have a boyfriend shit would be so much different right now."
The party at the Alpha Sigma Rho house is monstrous, the annual pre-finals week "fiesta" always attracted a large crowd. Everyone on campus hears about the party, but only a select few make "the list", the infamous guest list for the hottest party all year. The list includes all of the sorority girls, hopeful recruits, the Alpha Sigma active chapter, and the lowly pledges. Everyone is having a good time with the exception of Carson.
"Honestly dude, just tell her how it is man." stammers Justin, Carson's fraternity brother who is affected by the large amount of alcohol he has consumed throughout the evening.
"If it was that easy believe me I would have done it by now." he takes another swig and looks across the sand volleyball pit to see some drunk girls fall and laugh hysterically.
"I know how much you like this girl," starts Jeremy. "You like her quite a lot, and dumbass over here is right. If you don't tell her sooner than later it's going to eat at you for the rest of your life; what could have been, and the opportunity you wasted. This is your last chance to make a move since she is going to Tech next semester." Jeremy was always the guy to provide excellent advice on any topic imaginable. Being one of the more senior members of the house, he knew what he was talking about because of the experiences he has had through his life.
Carson shakes his head vigorously and begins to take another drink from the Malibu bottle, but Jeremy takes it from him. "There is more to gain than to lose here. If she says no, she goes to Tech and you never see her again. If she says yes, however, you get the woman of your dreams!"
Indeed, Jeremy brought up a good point. Carson, from the moment he met her last year, had a thing for Shannon. His purpose for all that he did was so that he could better himself so that one day she would choose him.
Carson used to be a completely different person, he was shy around girls, didn't have any confidence in himself, and his looks left a lot to be desired. When he started feeling for Sharron, he began to try and improve himself. It started with hitting the gym and working out on a consistent basis. He developed some tone muscle and a nice flat stomach. Then he shaved off all of the unsightly hair on his body and got a haircut from a professional rather than his mom, and started growing a soul patch. The Alpha Sigma "ladies man", Garrett, took Carson out shopping for mall clothes and threw out his old wardrobe, which mostly came from Wal-Mart and Goodwill. All of this gave Carson confidence and he began to learn how to approach and talk to girls without making a fool out of himself.
He made a complete change from boy to man, all for a girl that wasn't attainable.
"The man you need to talk to, man, is David, man."  blubbers Justin. "He was in a thing kindof like this one, man, and he and Clarice are so happy, dude, it's ridiculous. Man, and they almost never got back together dude, imagine that!"
David somehow convinced his girl, who had no intention or means of going to college, to just drop everything and go with him to the University. Her excuse was that she was poor and her parents couldn't help her pay for school, but David pulled all kinds of strings to get her financially set, including single-handedly convincing the choirmaster to give her a big scholarship for singing. Like David, Carson is willing to do anything for Sharron, if only she was his.
Carson turns around to go inside and talk to David, who is sitting on one of the TV lounge couches with his arm around Clarice. The DJ has his equipment set up in the lounge and the music is blasting so loud the walls are shaking. Before every party thrown at the house, the guys make it a point to put everything glass or fragile away in storage so that the items will not get broke.
David is enjoying a glass of coke and rum, which will probably be his only drink of the night. David is the responsible guy in the house and never drank too much so at least one person would have a clear head if trouble arose. He also makes a great sensible person to talk too when everyone else is drunk.
"David, can I talk to you for a minute?" asks Carson. David whispers in Clarice's ear that he will be gone for only a little while, but she grabs onto his arm and begs him not to go. He reassures her that the will be gone only a moment and she reluctantly lets go.
They walk outside to the other side of the house where things are much quieter. David chuckles, "Clarice is ridiculously clingy when she is drunk."
"I wish I had your problem, Romeo," Carson mocks. "I'd give up a lot to be in your shoes right about now."
"Sweet fucking Jesus I'm going to have to listen about Sharron again, aren't I?" he says, clearly annoyed. He has heard Carson's situation too many times and was getting sick of hearing about it. "I'm going back inside."
Carson grabs his arm, "I need your help, hopefully for the last time. I plan on telling her how I feel about her tonight." David stops and listens. "What I need you to help me with is how I tell her that I like her without making shit awkward or weirding her out."
David downs the rest of his drink and chucks the glass across the property, which makes a clang when it hits the neighbors roof. He lets go a laugh and turns toward Carson.
"Kid I can't provide that kind of advice, no one can. Every girl is different and you don't know how they are going to respond to anything you say. So the only thing I'm going to tell you, is to tell her how you really feel, no matter how stupid it sounds. Hell if you go way overboard, maybe you will say something sweet in the process and she will be impressed. But for real, honesty is the best policy, and you have nothing to lose anyways. I think she likes you but she is tied up with a boyfriend at the moment, and I'm sorry to say that she will probably tell you no. But even for the sake of knowing that you did all you could, held nothing back, you gotta tell her tonight. You gotta tell her now." David pulls out a flask and hands it to Carson.
"She likes me?" Carson asks, he accepts the flask from David and downs some of its contents.
David shrugs, "From what I've been able to tell. At the intramural game the other day, your name came up and I mentioned how you would do anything for her. She said that she knows that but she is happy where she is, but she believes she wouldn't be any less happy with you. Her boyfriend just got there first." he asks for the flask back and puts it back in his coat pocket.
"I knew she liked me, as a friend at least, but I didn't know how much more so than that. You're not lying to me are you?" Carson is often skeptical upon hearing news that girls like him.
David shakes his head. "Not a word of falsehood my brother, that is the truth. But don't tell her that you like her because you want to get with her, you are only going to be disappointed when she says no. Do it because you need to for yourself."
Carson nods his head in total agreement. "Yeah you are absolutely right. This has to be because I need to, not because I want her. It needs to be for me."
Carson thanks David for all the advice and searches the house for Sharon. He squeezes his way past people in the narrow hallways and investigates every room in the house, looking through the faces thoroughly. Carson runs to the front of the house to see her starting to leave with some of her friends.
"Sharron!" he calls out to her, "I need to talk to you."
"What is it about? I need to take my friends home, they are so drunk! I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?" she replies.
This answer does not satisfy Carson. "No, this isn't something that we can 'text' about tomorrow morning. I need to talk to you in person, alone."
Sharron gets a confused look on her face, but agrees and puts the drunks in the charge of someone else. They walk to the back of the frat house, past the parking lot filled with arguing and fighting drunk people, to a small secluded spot that is mostly surrounded with trees.
"What's this about?" Sharron asks. Tonight she looks just as pretty as always. It is a fairly chilly early December night, making her face loose its redness and color. However, the makeup she wears accentuates her best facial features, the redness of her lips, the wonderful blue color in her eyes, the beautiful brown mass that is her hair; it all looks more staggering when compared to a pale, cold face.
Time seems to stop for a moment, Carson stares into her eyes wanting to speak but the words won't come out. He practiced and practiced this situation so many times before tonight to be sure he didn't say something stupid or embarrassing, Carson thought his perfectly chosen words would flow right out. But they didn't, and he has to now speak what is on his mind and in his heart, and can't rely on prepared speech.
He sighs and looks up into the sky for just a second, praying to God to help his cause. Then he blurts it out, "I like you."
As soon as the words escape his mouth all the pressure comes off of him. Carson realizes it becomes easier to talk, breath, think; he starts to tell her everything as it seems to just roll off of the tongue.
"I like you a lot. I've probably felt like this since last semester, and its been eating at me for a long time now. You are all, I mean you have everything that I look for in girl; beautiful, not sexy or hot but beautiful, smart, not just book smart but intelligent, your personality, your smile, God your smile is so beautiful. Every time I start having a bad day I just think about your smile and it all seems to go away, and I'm happy. Whenever I'm around you I feel good about myself, because that's the way you rub off on people. Any man would be lucky to have you, I waited too long though and I'm getting the shaft for it because I didn't have the nerve to tell you earlier. I have only myself to blame for it." he holds his breath and waits for a reply.
Sharron recovers from the shock surprisingly fast and turns toward Carson. "Why did you feel the need to tell me?"  she asks.
"It was just getting that time. I have to get this stuff off of my chest because, if not for you, I can't live like this forever. And if nothing else comes out of this, I discovered to live with no regrets and not worry about 'what if', and I grew a pair of balls, gained some confidence. I also learned not to wait so long to tell someone I like them or else they get taken." Carson starts to get choked up and tries his hardest not to cry in front of Sharron. "I know I'm fighting a losing battle, but I just don't care anymore. I gotta tell it as it is."
"Carson," she starts. "I really like you too, but I've been with my boyfriend for a little more than a year now, and it's a pretty serious relationship. If I wasn't with him maybe something could be done about this, I'm so sorry!"
Carson chokes down sadness wanting to spill out from his chest and replies "You have nothing to be sorry about, I have no one to blame but myself for waiting so long to tell you. I want you to promise me something. I don't want things to be awkward between us, I want things to be normal and not weird. I want to be friends with you if nothing else, please, if that's not too much?"
"Oh of course things won't be weird!" she sounds sure at the time but Carson has his doubts. "Carson, I really appreciate that you told me all of this, and you should feel good about yourself." They embrace for a short time and then Sharron leaves, leaving Carson all alone on the bench amongst the trees.
I knew this was coming, but it still hurts, it hurts so much. Carson begins to well up with emotions. He pulls the keys out of his pocket, quickly walks to his car, and starts the ignition. He lights a cigarette before he takes off and leaves the Alpha Sigma Roe parking lot.
He gets about two blocks before the waterworks start. Carson couldn't hold in the emotions any longer. He can only pause long enough to take occasional   drags from his cigarette, followed by more sobbing and tears. He doesn't even pay attention to his driving, running red lights on more than one occasion and going way over the speed limit.
Carson's phone is blowing up the whole drive around the city. Both his fraternity brothers and Sharron's sorority sisters are constantly calling and texting him to discover what was said. He ignores all of them, not wanting to talk to anyone. After a good hour of random driving around the city, he pulls into the fraternity driveway to find a dying party at the house.
David, Jeremy, and a few of the pledges are out on the front lawn when they see Carson pull up. They start to stampede his car but David holds them back and says he wants to talk to Carson alone first. David, being a high-ranking member of the fraternity, the other guys give him respect and back off. Carson and David go to the deck and take a seat in the lawn chairs sitting outside.
"This wouldn't hurt so bad if I didn't like her like I do, man." The emotions flow from his voice. "She has everything that I look for in a girl, everything. When I look at other girls I think 'how is she like Sharron?' and come to find that she isn't the same, not even close. She's the first girl I've been able to tell that I like her, and that tells me that she is something special that I shouldn't let go of."
David sits and listens, feeling Carson's pain from a similar personal experience.
"I'm not going to suggest that you simply 'let this go' or 'forget' because you obviously like her a lot. Hell I think it would be fair to say that you love the woman. But your timing is wrong, and that's not anyone's fault. I think she appreciates the fact that you told her, and that will come back to help you. She realizes you have matured a lot since last year, all the sorority chicks see that! Wait and see, sooner than later the girls will be all over your nuts, dude. I hear them talk, Garrett hears them talk, your name comes up a lot in their conversations. It will be hard, but you have to move on. Let Sharron see that you will be okay without her and let her see what she is missing; by treating your next girlfriend the way women want and deserve to be treated, whoever that may be."
David is always the one to be giving inspirational speeches to cheer someone up when they are down, and always look on the positives of each situation. Everyone listens to him when he speaks because of the success he has had in anything and everything he has ever done, and women were an expertise subject of his.
"Yeah, I guess that's what I have to do then, huh?" Carson agrees reluctantly. He lets out a deep sigh and then realizes he is cold, the night was getting chilly since he last noticed. He looks up and the sky is no longer clear and beautiful but cloudy and sad looking. The fraternity house grows quiet as everyone goes to bed.
Carson sits in his room alone, thinking over the stressful events that have just occurred. He sends Sharron a text message reading, "Thank you for the talk. I really appreciate that you were able to listen to what I have to say and give me an honest answer." she later replies back with a sincere "your welcome" and wishes him a good night.
Carson, between the effects of the alcohol and the exhaustion of the recent events, falls into a deep sleep upon hitting the pillow.

"Hell no I'm not walking, it's way too cold outside, dude. It's fucking January!" Carson complains of the freezing weather outside.
"Alright but Carson is driving, shotgun!" David replies.
The four Alpha Sigma Roes pile into Carson's little car and drive to class on campus. It is now mid-January and the first week into the second semester, more than a month since the "Finals Fiesta" in December.
Calculus isn't Carson's favorite subject, but David and Erwin "Guess" Gjesshaur are good enough at it that he can get enough help outside of class. The session is uneventful, and the time moves slowly. Carson's mind begins to wander.
He has spoken to Sharron on only a few occasions over the phone since December. While they remain good friends, Carson still realizes that he wants more. If anything, Carson's feelings have only grown for her since the events at the party. While he doesn't make it as obvious or talk about it as much as he used to, it still eats at the pit of his stomach at night.
Class gets dismissed ten minutes late, like it always does, and the guys go down to the cafeteria to grab some chow. It is around lunchtime and the place is swimming with students; Carson and his friends manage to find the last seat available in the middle of the cafeteria.
Almost immediately upon sitting down, two of Sharron's sorority sisters happen to walk by.
"Hey guys! Haven't seen any of you since last semester, how are things going?" Lindsey asks with her sweet voice.
"Things are good I guess, break wasn't long enough if you ask me but it never is. Managed to get a new car for Christmas, so I think I came out ahead." Carson replies.
"Oh wow, sounds nice! I might have to come over and see it sometime." she says in a suggestive voice and gives Carson a wink.
David and Guess look at each other with astonished looks.
"We need to hang out sometime sooner than later, Carson." says Tricia, the other girl with Lindsey. "What are you doing this weekend?"
Carson looks to his buddies to find the right words to say, but they just shrug their shoulders, as clueless as he is.
"Uh, I don't really have anything planned, I suppose. I've got an open schedule. Do you want the classic dinner-and-a-movie, or maybe an evening stroll around campus tickles your fancy?" Carson jokes.
Both or the girls giggle. "We should go on a double date; and when I say that I mean the two of us girls and you, Carson." Lindsey proposes the idea. "Call us sometime before the weekend!"
The boy's jaws are on the floor, and they are all staring at Carson, who just shrugs his shoulders and continues to eat his food, all the while pondering what just happened.

There were seven more instances like the cafeteria scene later that day involving twelve different sorority girls total. Where the hell did all of this come from? Carson locks the door to his room and plops down on the bed, exhausted. He goes through his phone, recognizing the new female numbers he managed to pick up earlier today.
It is a new feeling for Carson. All of the female attention is different from what he has experienced in the past. He has to admit, he feels pretty damn good about it, but he always has Sharron in the back of his mind. None of those other girls seemed attractive to him earlier today when he was bombarded by flirtatious behavior, because they weren't her. They just aren't the same. Over Christmas break, Carson came to the conclusion that Sharron is the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. There doesn't even seem to be a point in talking to these other girls.
David knocks on the door and Carson opens it and fraternity brothers stampede into his room, asking all kinds of questions.
"I told you, Carson! I told you!" David beams. "The girls are after your nuts dude! They know you are serious about chasing tail now and they like it! Carson has been released from it's cage, nothing holds him back now!"
"Dude, it all comes back to 'Finals Fiesta' night. What you pulled back then is paying off for you now, and in huge dividends, my brother." Justin backs up David's claim. For once, he is sober. "Hooray for Carson! Let's celebrate and get wasted!"
"Carson, I'm jealous of what you have been able to accomplish with the ladies. Best of luck with this and if you need anything, I'm here for you bro." comments Jeremy.
Carson can't help but grin and smile at all of these praises while David and Guess tell the story about what happened in the cafeteria earlier. The commotion is enough to coax the housemother from her room and tell the boys to shut up.
The guys begin to filter out of the room until it is just Garrett and Carson. Garrett turns to leave when Carson asks "Why is this happening?"
He replies "You're becoming a man now. Girls saw what happened 'Finals Fiesta' night and talked about it and came to the consensus that they like ho you're turning out."
"They had a convention about me?" Carson asks a stupid question.
"No you idiot," replies Garrett. "Girls talk, and by word of mouth your story quickly spread throughout the ranks of women on campus. They see that you're growing a pair of balls and that you aren't afraid to speak your mind. You aren't the same scrawny, small-town kid who wears clothes from Goodwill anymore. You are one of the top dogs in Greek Life now, man, and that's a worthy accomplishment. I would get used to the idea of a lot of females coming your way now, buddy."
"What do I do? I mean, I still like Sharron and all, I don't want to just start dating a bunch of girls when she is in the back of my mind all the time." this is a legitimate concern.
"Girls like what they can't have, Carson. When she sees that you are a wanted man now, she will regret her decision and want you to take her. It just takes time, you will see." Garrett is like an encyclopedia on whatever a guy ever wanted to know about women and their ways and unique culture.
Carson ponders for a minute, then gets out his phone and starts to call Lindsey.

Carson is still full from the wonderful dinner he had with Lindsey by the time the movie ends. He escorts her out of the theatre, hand in hand, to the car. It is a cold evening, but a beautiful snowfall makes the freezing temperature worth it.
Lindsey giggles while she brushes the snow out of Carson's hair, mussing it up in the process. When they reach the car, Carson quickly runs to the passenger side and opens the door for Lindsey, who comments "Oh, what a gentleman you are!"
He grins, "You can thank the fraternity for that, they taught me how to treat girls right and to be a gentleman at all times."
"I think we need to thank Greek life in general," Lindsey says. "I mean, we probably would have never met each other if we weren't involved with it, and I personally learned a lot from the experience so far, and all of the friends that I have now! There are so many benefits, I don't see why more people don't do it."
"I agree with you. Without Alpha Sigma Roe, I would just be one of those guys who sits in their dorm room all day and play video games, not getting out and socializing or meeting new people, not having the college experience that I now have. Going Greek is probably one of the best decisions I have made in my life." Carson confirms.
"Oh shut up," Lindsey says playfully. "I know you too well, you would have not been one of those guys. Your personality wouldn't allow it! You are so outgoing and friendly, there is no way you couldn't have made friends."
"I didn't used to be the way I am now." starts Carson, reminiscing the first semester of freshman year; a green soldier in the battlefield of society. "I used to be really shy and kind of a hermit. But I joined the fraternity and they turned my life around, in so many ways. If you saw me last year you wouldn't even recognize me."
Lindsey turns toward him in her seat and says softly "I saw you a lot last year, Carson. I guess I just never noticed that you were shy because I always thought that you were a nice guy who gets along with everyone. Whenever I saw you, you were always doing something cool and trend-setting, that's what everyone knows you for."
Carson appreciates the compliment and smiles at her.
They get back to campus and Carson pulls in front of Lindsey's sorority house, heart beating fast, not knowing the next step. There is an awkward silence for about ten seconds.
Carson talks blindly, not sure of what to say. "I had a great time tonight, and I hope you did too."
"I did, thank you so much for everything! We need to do this again real soon." she says.
"I don't know how much you like coffee or whatever, but maybe we can try out that new coffee shop on 12th and Thompson tomorrow morning?" he suggests. Carson waits for her reply, either it will be a good idea or she will shoot it down and never want to go on a date again.
"That would be wonderful! I would love to do that!" she replies, obviously happy he suggested to go on another date so soon.
"Is eight-thirty too early?  I know girls like their beauty sleep." he jokes. Carson hopes he can pull it off.
Lindsey laughs, "Yeah eight-thirty sounds good." She looks into Carson's eyes, encouraging him to make the next move.
He takes the hint. Carson moves in with caution, stops for a brief moment, then proceeds to kiss her on the cheek. As he slowly pulls away she catches him by the chin and reels him into a kiss on the mouth, like a fish on a hook. Carson and Lindsey separate after awhile and she goes into the house.
Carson staggers into the house to find that many of the fraternity guys were eagerly waiting for him. All Carson has to do is smile and give a thumbs up and the place erupts with loud cheering and jubilee. However, he doesn't celebrate long, remembering that he has to get up for his date tomorrow morning.
As he lies in bed, trying to fall asleep, all he can think about is Sharron. Carson hoped that maybe spending time with other girls would get his mind off of her, but with no success.
Dammit, Sharron, why do you insist in torturing me like this? he knows that it isn't her fault he still has feelings for her. It is difficult for him to forget someone that he has liked for so long, how much she means to him.
I just need to try harder, that's all. Carson concludes. Just try harder to forget Sharron and try harder to make things work with Lindsey. Things are going good for me right now, just have to let life go on.. he drifts off to sleep.

"So will you be able to make it to the formal on Saturday?" Lindsey asks. Her sorority's spring formal dance was this weekend.
"Hell yeah I'll make it! What color is your dress going to be? We need to match." Carson replies.
It is early March, Carson and Lindsey have been dating for more almost two months now. The two have grown very close, and are now considered a legitimate couple.
She smiles, "You don't have to buy a tux silly! Just wear a black suit or something. But so I don't keep you in the dark, I will probably wear pink."
"Good, it accentuates your skin color. I know how important it is to you to maintain a shade of light brown throughout the winter." Carson jokes about her obsession with tanning and keeping her skin dark.
"Yeah it should be a good time, we have it all planned out and the place will look beautiful! The DJ is the best in town and we got a good caterer." Lindsey's job in her sorority is planning events and coordinating them, and she takes pride in good work.
"Wow, sounds like you put a lot of time into planning all of this out!" Carson commends her.
Lindsey nods, "I hope Sharron approves, she is coming in to visit us all for the weekend, I don't want to disappoint her."
Carson stops in his tracks. Sharron! Fuck, this happens every time. Sometimes I wish she would just disappear. He lets out a sigh. No I don't. I would never wish that for her, I want her to remain a part of my life forever.
While Carson never says any of these things, Lindsey can read them in his facial expression, "You still like her, don't you? I'm not enough for you, am I? What do I have to do to make you like me as much as you like her?" she becomes very upset and starts to tear up.
Carson shakes his head. "No, I don't care about her anymore." Who does he think he is kidding? "I am with you now, and I couldn't be a happier person. I found you through Sharron's decision to deny me, and I came out ahead. I hope she is there at the formal to see what I've become and to see what she has missed out on."
"Is that why we are together? To try and prove that you moved on and forgot her?" Lindsey is always skeptical about why Carson decided to date her. Part of it was her own nature, but most of it is from the whole Sharron situation.
"No, I'm telling you for the millionth time that is not the case." Carson assures her. "I like you, I really do! And you like me, obviously, so it all works out. You worry too much, Lindsey. Everything between us is solid, and I don't see anything taking that away anytime soon."  he learned very quickly how to press her buttons into trusting him.
"Alright, sorry I got a little worried, Carson. You know I trust you." With that being said she kisses him tenderly on the lips. He drops her off at the sorority house and proceeds to go to class.
He sits next to David in Calculus. "I need to talk to you in class." He whispers. David nods and begins the conversation by writing on a piece of paper. He finishes writing and passes it down to Carson.
"I heard already about Sharron coming into town. What you need to do is ignore her at the dance and let her approach you, which she will eventually. She will want to talk to you and see how you are holding up. That's when you tell her that moved on and that she should have taken the opportunity to date you when she had the chance."
Carson takes a long time in writing his response, "That's just it though, I haven't moved on. I still think about her everyday, even before I told her that I like her. I am more concerned about Lindsey and I. I like her, not as much as I like Sharron obviously but I don't want to hurt her. This is why I was skeptical about dating others girls in the first place because I didn't want to give her a half-ass effort, on the account that I like someone else."
David takes a long hard stare at what Carson wrote, squints his eyes, scratches his head, then turns and gives him a look that says, "Your just shit out of luck, kid."
Carson sighs deeply and tries to pay attention to the lecture in vain. This is a very precarious situation he is in; on one hand he has a very delightful girlfriend that he likes a lot, but on the other hand is a girl he would trade the world for, drop everything he has in a heartbeat for her. Carson never wanted to be put in a situation where he might have to disappoint a girl or hurt her feelings. That is the reason why he is so careful in choosing girls to date and have relationships with.
He has until tomorrow night to figure it all out.

The University ballroom isn't exactly the best-quality in the state, but Lindsey did an excellent job in turning it into a beautiful location for the formal. The dance is just getting started as Carson walks in with the other invited Alpha Sigma Rho guys and their dates. Lindsey immediately runs over to them and Carson escorts her to the dance floor.
He puts his hands on her waist and she wraps her arms around his neck and they kiss. "This place looks amazing!" Carson comments. "You did an incredible job."
Lindsey gives Carson a seductive grin, "I have a surprise for you, Carson." she leads his hand up her dress to discover that she isn't wearing any undergarments. She kisses him tenderly on the mouth again, then they go back to dancing and  play it off as if nothing happened. Lindsey smiles at him and he smiles back, putting on a face. Getting laid isn't what is on his mind. He scans the room, looking for Sharron. It doesn't take him long to find her, her beautiful face glimmers like the moon in the night sky, outshining all of the other stars with incredible radiance. He notices her alone at the punch bowl, without her boyfriend. That will hopefully make things easier.
The song ends and the two stop dancing. "Want me to get you something to drink? I'm thirsty myself." he makes up an excuse.
"Yes, thank you!" she says. "I'll be over at that table talking to some of the girls when you get back." she starts to walk over to the table, looking back over her shoulder and giving Carson a sexy grin.
Jesus Christ she's horny. Carson think to himself. Too bad she probably won't be getting it from me tonight. He walks discreetly over to where Sharron is standing, not wanting her to recognize him until he is standing right next to her.
Then he remembers David's advice, What you need to do is ignore her at the dance and let her approach you, which she will eventually… tell her that you moved on and that she should have taken the opportunity to date you when she had the chance. Carson sighs, Damn how long is that going to take? I just want to get this over with and say what I need to say, I don't have the patience to wait. However, Carson concedes to David's advice and doesn't approach Sharron. He sneaks around behind her, though, to acquire punch for himself and Lindsey. Carson successfully goes unnoticed.
Justin is one of the other fraternity guys who was invited to the dance. He stands next to his date and Lindsey when Carson brings back the punch. Justin witnesses Lindsey give Carson a suggestive wink and whispers in Carson's ear, "Man you're gettin lucky tonight!"
A song conveniently comes on, every time Justin and Carson hear "Carry on my Wayward Son" by Kansas, they have a tradition to sing it together. "Justin! This is our song dude, we gotta sing it!" Carson grabs Justins arm and pulls him into the middle of the dance floor, where Lindsey can't see or hear them.
Justin didn't immediately pick up the hint that Carson wants to talk to him in private, "Dude if you need a condom or anything, I got your back, man. I got some scented candles in my room you can use to create…"
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Carson can't help but giggle at Justin. "I don't need a condom for Lindsey, Justin. I'm going to talk to Sharron tonight. I'm going to try and make her mine again."
Justin gives Carson a weird look. "Dude, why? You have a great girl in Lindsey, who likes you and cares a lot about you. Not many girls like that walk across your path in life, man. Lindsey in an incredible girl, Carson. Most of the guys in the house are jealous of you 'cause Lindsey is a great catch, and they don't know how the hell you got her before they did." Justin can't comprehend why Carson won't settle for Lindsey.
"I'm not going to lie, Lindsey is a great girl." Carson replies. "But Sharron is a great girl whom I've liked since I started college."
"I know I'm not as smart as someone like David, or as good with girls as Garrett, but I would stick with Lindsey, dude." Justin argues.
"She is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with, man. It's impossible for me to settle for less." As far as he is concerned, Lindsey, any girl for that matter, is less.
"You have to give her a chance to be as good as Sharron, or maybe even better! You're just not warmed up to the idea of liking another girl as much as Sharron. Give Lindsey a chance, dude, you will grow to like her as much as you like Sharron now, and you will ask yourself  'why did I ever like that Sharron girl anyways?'"  Justin is giving him solid reasoning for keeping Lindsey, but Carson knows he can't keep away from Sharron, or get her out of his head unless he at least talks to her.
"I already found who I want, I don't have to look anymore." Carson ends the conversation when a new song comes on and Lindsey walks up to him for another dance.
The night is going well for Carson. Lindsey is all over him, making it obvious that she wants it; dancing on him like a stripper on a pole, whispering suggestive phrases in his ear, among other things. Carson would normally feel uncomfortable around this kind of behavior, but he knows it will attract a lot of attention, including Sharron's.
After about forty-five minutes or so of dancing, Lindsey goes to the bathroom to re-apply makeup with her friends. As soon as she leaves, Carson turns to see Sharron approaching. Indeed, David was right. Carson finds himself holding his breath as she opens her mouth to speak.
"Hey Carson, how are you doing? Haven't spoken to you or seen you since Christmas break." Carson thinks it funny that she is the one to point out the fact that they haven't talked in awhile.
"I'm alright I suppose, can't really complain. How is Tech treating you?" Carson tries to play it cool, not act surprised or happy to see her.
"I like it a lot. It doesn't have the same atmosphere or spirit that I like from here, but it's a good school I guess." Sharron fans herself with her hands, obviously hot from all of the moving around and dancing. "Want to go outside for a bit? Its really hot in here and I think both of us can use some fresh air."
Carson realizes he is hot and sweaty, too, and not from dancing. His heart is pounding so loud he wonders if Sharron can hear it. She wants to talk to me in private, outside. What could she possibly want to say? Carson escorts her to an outdoor balcony that overlooks the campus.
The sky is perfectly clear, no clouds obstructing the view of the stars. There is no uncomfortably cold breeze, just a stillness. The night is calm and beautiful. Carson hears Sharron gasp as she glances up at the stars.
"That's beautiful isn't it?" Sharron asks.
"Yes," Carson replies. "quite incredible if you ask me." he moves to stand behind her as she walks over to and grasps the railing of the balcony. There is a silence between the two for a half minute or so, neither wanting to start the conversation, both knowing things need to be said.
Sharron speaks first, "So I see you are with Lindsey now. How do you like her?"
I can play this two ways, Carson thinks. I can say I don't like her and say how she is nothing like Sharron, or I can say I really like her and try to make Sharron jealous. I really don't think the jealousy approach will work since she has a boyfriend still, so I better use my other option.
"She is ok I suppose." Carson lies, even he admits she is much more than "average". "Lindsey is a pretty girl and a nice girl, but she can be clingy sometimes."
"If by clingy you mean the way she has been acting tonight, she isn't normally like that. It's just that she really likes you." Sharron explains Lindsey's behavior tonight.
Carson takes a deep breath and prepares himself for what he is about to say, ready to take the plunge.
"Yeah, Lindsey is a pretty cool girl, but she isn't you, Sharron." he starts. "She isn't the same. I still think about you everyday, like I used to. I thought that seeing and talking to other girls would get my mind off of you but it didn't. And the truth is, I'm glad it didn't, because I like being able to think about you all the time, even if it hurts."
"Oh, Carson!" Sharron sighs. Carson can't tell what kind of sigh it is, but he keeps on talking.
"I still wake up every morning and think about your smile, Sharron. I want you more everyday I get out of bed and breathe, 'cause that's all I ever think about, Sharron, is you. And Lindsey, she just doesn't cut it; and its not just her, its every girl, none of them catch my attention because the only one I want is you." Carson is panting after his speech.
At some point while he was talking, Sharron managed to slip her hand around his. Carson notices and looks up at her face, gazing into her eyes, looking for her answer and intent.
"I realize that you are a great guy and I have to admit, I'm pretty jealous of you seeing a pretty girl like Lindsey on your arm. I think about you a lot, too, at least after the night you told me that you liked me. That was a special night for both of us I think." Sharron says.
A lot of talk but no answer yet, Carson listens on impatiently.
"But I'm sorry I have to repeat what I said earlier. I am happy with the guy I'm with now." Carson gets the answer he expects. "I like you a lot too, Carson, but my boyfriend got to me first. If things don't work out with him, I'd definitely date you. But I wouldn't count on that happening, you have to move on and forget me."
Denied again. Carson looks for words to say, but none come to mind. Sharron sees him choking up and she speaks once more, "Don't change who you are, Carson, not for anyone. Because I like who you are as a person, and any girl would be lucky to have you, including myself." she kisses him on the cheek and slowly walks back inside the building.
Carson doesn't cry this time around, but he is no less disappointed. He is in the same spot he was last time he talked to her, no progress since December.
But this is where he realizes he is wrong. Carson has made amazing progress since telling Sharron how he feels. For starters, he managed to grow a pair and tell a girl that he likes her. If this was the only thing that came out of that situation, Carson would be happy. But he also earned a girlfriend, a good quality girlfriend at that, and discovered what is important to him when it comes to girls, including morals and standards, personality.  Carson is alone for only a few minutes, before Lindsey opens the door to the balcony and begins to walk towards him.
Now for the hard part. Carson thinks to himself. He doesn't know how to do this the right way, or any way at all for that matter.
"Hey Carson, what are you doing out here all by yourself? Want me to keep you company?" Lindsey comes up behind him and wraps her arms around him.
Carson turns toward her and shies away from her embrace. "Lindsey, there is something I have to do. I have to tell you something."
He can see the total confusion on her face, "What's wrong Carson? Tell me what's wrong, won't you?" she can tell that the news isn't good.
Carson sighs deeply, partly disappointed in himself for what he is about to do. "It's not fair to you when I am in a relationship with you and I don't give you my undivided attention and interest."
Her voice starts to become shaky. "What are you talking about Carson?"
"I enjoy being around you, Lindsey, I really do. You are an awesome person and any guy would be lucky to have you; and that's why you deserve better."
Tears well up in Lindsey's eyes. "Don't say that! It's not true!" She begs Carson not to leave her.
"Lindsey, its my fault that I haven't given you my full effort in our relationship. I have someone else on my mind, and I'm sure you can guess who it is. I'm sorry Lindsey…"
"She told you no twice already, Carson!" She argues. "Why can't you move on?"
Carson never knew if he would be able to say it if the time came, but this is the time now.
"I love her." Carson says calmly. "She is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It isn't fair to you, Lindsey, that I like Sharron while I claim to be in a relationship with you. I hoped that something like this would never happen, but unfortunately this is the way I feel and I can't lead you on any longer. I'm incredibly sorry." Carson starts to choke up as well, knowing how much he has hurt Lindsey. She must feel a lot like I did. He thinks to himself. I hoped I would never have to be a fucking asshole like this.
Lindsey starts to tear up and sob. Carson reaches out to embrace her one last time and comfort her, but she pulls away and runs inside.
Carson adjusts his tie so that it is looser and turns to look out the balcony. The night is still as calm and beautiful as it was before, but now it seems more somber. A lot of feelings were hurt on a night that is intended to provide a good time for everyone.
I didn't want to do it. Carson tries to explain his actions to himself. But I can't lead her on when I know deep down inside that I like someone else. I can't make her as happy as I could, and that's being unfaithful on my part. Better to just end it than pretend it could have worked.
But damn I can't believe I did that! Carson expresses disappointment in himself. How could I hurt such a nice girl like that, who did nothing but care about me and try her hardest to make me happy? Lindsey is truly an innocent casualty, and I hate killing innocents. Its so unfair! Carson knows because he has been a casualty before himself.
He bows his head and starts to choke up, not because it was another disappointment with Sharron, but because he was a disappointment to Lindsey. He let her down. Carson pulls a pack of smokes from his suit jacket, realizing that he hasn't  smoked since he and Lindsey started dating; God bless that girl.
He lights the cigarette, deeply inhaling to try and smoke out all of the emotions flowing into his head. Carson only gets a few puffs in before he breaks down and the waterworks start.